July 2007
Victims Rave as Church Caves on Case
"Oh Buggery, Buggery and Coverup, what hath though wrought?"
- Roger Mahoney, Archbishop of L.A.
The Cave-In ~ Owning Up To Sin
Cardinal Roger M. Mahoney, "Archbishop" of Los Angeles, a well-known "holy man" who heads up the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, finally decided to throw in the towel and settle, for a cool $660 million, with the more than 500 people who say they were abused by Roman Catholic clergy members in the Los Angeles diocese. Trial was scheduled to start the following day...
A Snappy Dresser ~ With a Fondness for Gowns
Cardinal Mahoney is widely known in Southern California for his flamboyant costumes, which rival those worn by elite Hollywood stars in movies such as the Star Wars trilogy. He appears in the above photo wearing his trademark "Chapeau Rouge" or Red Beanie. A snappy dresser, the Cardinal favors long, flowing, floor-length gowns rich in brocade and trimmed with golden thread. The big, flashy pendant he's wearing is a symbol of his authority. He has a lot of these symbolic totems, including staffs and wands, which he uses to impress the credulous faithful.
The Bucks? "Not a Problem"
On the day the settlement was announced, Mahoney was overheard stating with characteristic nonchalance that while $660 million was a lot of "moolah" for one Archdiocese to cough up on such short notice, they planned to sell "a little church property" to cover the tab. According to reliable sources, the Catholic Church owns a lot of valuable property in Los Angeles and throughout the United States, which it enjoys tax-free thanks to a cozy relationship with federal, state, and local governments. As the good Cardinal is often wont to say: "Thank Almighty God we don't really have a separation between church and state - it would bankrupt us!"
Amen Brother...
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