Just saw this terrifying news on TV and wanted to make sure you were aware of the danger.
GIANT SALT WATER CROCODILES INVADE BAY AREA!!!
Aussie Crocks Pose Grave Danger to Paddlers
Military on High Alert - Bang Stick Sales Soar
This story's all over the East coast papers, but I know how they try to hush this stuff up out West so as not to frighten away the tourists.
Here's a photo of a terrifying 18 foot monster crock emerging from the water at a boat launch ramp in Sausalito, right next to the Golden Gate Bridge! From "scat" it deposited on a nearby beach, authorities have concluded that the giant Salties are making a meal of Great White Sharks in the vicinity of the Farallon Islands just off the coast.
Great White Shark - A Saltie's Favorite Food. Well, next to Sea Kayakers, that is....
Here's a photo of a terrifying 18 foot monster crock emerging from the water at a boat launch ramp in Sausalito, right next to the Golden Gate Bridge! From "scat" it deposited on a nearby beach, authorities have concluded that the giant Salties are making a meal of Great White Sharks in the vicinity of the Farallon Islands just off the coast.
Great White Shark - A Saltie's Favorite Food. Well, next to Sea Kayakers, that is....
Saltie Scat on Northern CA beach.
Ever since the much beloved Aussie crocodile hunter Steve Irwin had his unfortunate and fatal encounter with that sting ray, these giant Salties have been overbreeding like crazy. Now, apparently running short of food, they're swimming across the Pacific Ocean from Australia to the West Coast of the USA, where the surf is always up and experts say "the livin' is easy".
Believe me, Baythor, you've got to be one tough customer to gobble up a Great White Shark, but to Salties it must seem like child's play - and no wonder - just look at the size of these monsters - they make a full-grown Great White look like a teenie-weenie sardine. I was frankly astonished by this picture of a 6 month old baby Salty captured just up the coast from San Francisco in Half Moon Bay!
Game warden Jack Fenton with a six month old Salty.
They're saying that these Salties grow faster in the San Francisco Bay Area due to the plentiful supply of portly, slow-moving sea kayakers, so please, please don't go swimming without your bang stick, and don't go paddling around in any of those bright colored rental kayaks! Always double-check to make sure the 44 Magnum shells are in tip-top shape - a misfire with a brute like a Salty could spell disaster!
Believe me, Baythor, you've got to be one tough customer to gobble up a Great White Shark, but to Salties it must seem like child's play - and no wonder - just look at the size of these monsters - they make a full-grown Great White look like a teenie-weenie sardine. I was frankly astonished by this picture of a 6 month old baby Salty captured just up the coast from San Francisco in Half Moon Bay!
Game warden Jack Fenton with a six month old Salty.
They're saying that these Salties grow faster in the San Francisco Bay Area due to the plentiful supply of portly, slow-moving sea kayakers, so please, please don't go swimming without your bang stick, and don't go paddling around in any of those bright colored rental kayaks! Always double-check to make sure the 44 Magnum shells are in tip-top shape - a misfire with a brute like a Salty could spell disaster!
How fast can it go? Not fast enough...
Bang Sticks - Worth the Price!
Hell, Baythor, it's not even safe to feed these monster crocks chicken-on-a-stick, like this fool is trying to do at the Monterrey Bay Aquarium.
As you can see in this Official MBA Photo, the pathetic moron has already lost his left leg (doubtless to another Salty) - and now he's taunting the hungry reptile with his right one!!!
Can you believe it? What a dingbat! Does he really think he can out-hop that crock? Believe me Baythor, you're looking at a DEAD MAN WALKING! Even an out-of-shape Salty can make 12 mph on level ground - and that's one hell of a lot faster than "Hopalong" here could do using his "chickie-stick" as a cane.
As Steve Irwin might have said: "Crikey! Makes you wonder, mate."
That's all for now sweetheart, except to say that yes, $400+ is a lot of money to pay for a good bang stick, but I think you and your friends will feel it to be money well spent if one or more of these brutes crashes your beach party...
Take up a collection, Baythor, and buy two or three, just in case...
Much Love,
Your concerned father.
